It’s been a while since our last post. My sincerest apologies to you, the reader. I have to admit, our troubles started when I made a claim that our writing staff’s jobs were “so easy, even monkeys could do them.” Outraged and offended, the entire staff of Comedy So Serious! staged a walkout. Needless to say, productivity has hit an all-time low.
I keep telling him to give it a second to load, but…
Yes, times have been tough for your modest moderator of internet inanity. With a staff comprised mainly of ill-tempered Baboons–and one Gibbon–I’ve spent most of my days hiding under my desk, tossing binders into the office across from me to misdirect the pack of savage simians. And although I’ve had numerous ideas for titillating editorials, the sound of typing on my keyboard incites murderous rage from the eldest Baboon. Fortune smiled upon me, however, in the form of a phone call!
Different phone call…
I picked up the receiver as fast as I could so as not to alert the monkeys and whispered, “Sal’s Pizzeria & Crematorium: We bake for your wake…” As I listened to the chilling, crackled voice on the other end of the line, it became apparent who had called me…
My Publisher
DEADLINES!!!
My publisher failed to see the heroism of cracking jokes at a time like that–monkeying around while the monkeys are around, if you will… YES! Still got it!–and instead offered some constructive criticism regarding the site, most of which I completely agree with.
I can totally see where you’re coming from…
And after several long pauses and awkward interruptions, my publisher offhandedly mentioned that local animal-control had received reports about monkeys in the area. She informed me to avoid the office; I informed her that I voided my bowels in the office, and we hung up mutually reassured, I’m sure. As I waited for animal-control to arrive and deal with the little primate problem, I wondered if my time with the monkeys hadn’t been, in a strange way, for the best.
NOPE!!!
Since freed from the clawed, furry, prehensile clutches of the Baboons, I’ve done a lot of reflecting. I’ve come to realize one very important thing: The Gibbon was actually pretty nice.
“Sup…”
If you had asked me if I thought I would be trapped in a small office with a pack of Baboons and one pretty OK Gibbon, I would have probably conceded, yes. I expected this. But now, here we are… sans staff… terribly backlogged… and the carpets are just covered in monkey shit.
Somewhere between “My Affairs” and “Other Folk’s Problems” lies: “Monkey Shit”
Folks, who knows what the future holds. The world is a tumultuous place, unpredictably twisting its plot as the narrative unfolds. All I can promise you is that, day or night, rain or shine, spring, summer, fall, or winter… I will remain committed to bringing you the very best that this absurdist author has to offer.
THIS IS MY SACRIFICE…
Until next time, from all of me here at Comedy So Serious!, good night and good luck!
Gifs and images via: here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.
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