Without further ado: the prodigal bun returns! It is I, Chef Benny LaLingua, back from the “National Gluttons’ Thanksgiving Convention,” where I sampled delectable delicacies from all over the world for the past few weeks, culminating in an epic gastrointestinal crisis! I’ve finally regained the use of my fingers after the doctors managed to chisel the last bits of dried gravy off of my hands, and I’m here with an exciting new product for the inner child in all of us!
Enter, The Crustache!
![](https://i0.wp.com/25.media.tumblr.com/1868450d4a272b0e37d58e0edd466950/tumblr_mwezhf2Ekc1qaobbko1_500.jpg)
Sister product of, “Hot Dog Beards!”
If you’re like me, and looking for new and exciting ways to waste seventy to eighty percent of any given sandwich for the sake of fleeting amusement, then this product is perfect for you! I couldn’t recommend this ingenious invention any more for the niche group of people who feel that food isn’t just a source of nourishment, but rather a pastime; an object for the hedonist in all of us to be taken for granted and discarded as soon as its entertainment value has been diminished!
![](https://i0.wp.com/24.media.tumblr.com/1a9ce16c42ccfc21ff69a6d60fa8e47b/tumblr_mwpb3jkZoI1stq31mo1_400.gif)
“All work and no play[ing with food] makes The King a dull boy…”
As for this food-critic, I look forward to new and exciting ways to revitalize tired old staples of modern culinary comfort, such as the PB & J sandwich. Because nothing says “must have food” like “mustache food!”
Editor’s note: views and opinions expressed herein do not necessarily represent those of Comedy So Serious!